If you found out that your husband or wife was cheating on you, what would be your immediate reaction? What would be your final decision? If your best friend disappointed you, how would you handle the situation?

A pastor’s wife learned that her husband had cheated on her and in the heat of the devastating disappointment, she thought of divorcing him, but decided to pray, pouring out her heart to God. Then God told her that although she could have grounds for a divorce, she didn’t have to take up the opportunity. So, she forgave her husband and together they rebuilt their marriage. She didn’t immediately give back her trust to him, but over time the marriage healed.

What about this other story? Imagine you are Joseph, engaged to a very virtuous young girl Mary. Both of you are abstinent, planning for your wedding when you suddenly notice, or she tells you that she’s pregnant. According to the law, she must be stoned to death in front of her father’s house for committing an abomination in Israel. What would you do? Report her to the elders so she could be stoned?

Instead, we read that, “Because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” The context uses husband and divorce because Jewish law recognized engagement as marriage although the couple only consummated the union after the wedding solemnization.

In the examples above, the pastor’s wife and Joseph, in responding with righteous wisdom to negative experiences in their relationships, they gave God the opportunity to direct them to better decisions. 

Two lessons from their responses can help us navigate the stormy waters of our own relationships.

First, there was the lack of a vengeful spirit in each case. It’s such a powerful testimony to Joseph’s godliness that he didn’t want to expose Mary to public disgrace even when it seemed she had been unfaithful to him.  The reason we sometimes fail in resolving our relationship issues the godly way is that we want to hurt the other person as much as they hurt us. We’re not interested in peaceful resolutions; we want revenge, we want to shame the person, we want to disgrace them. That never helps, even though it may satisfy our flesh.

Secondly, the Pastor’s wife and Joseph meditated over their hurt and next course of action. A hasty response to betrayal or disappointment from someone we trusted usually leads to regret. This is because when in anger, we don’t think rationally. But when we let our emotions cool, and we have time to contemplate on how to handle the situation, and seek God’s wisdom, we would always come out with the right solution, even if those solutions don’t make sense to our flesh or people around us.

We always need this wisdom because relationships can be tough, be it marriage or other interpersonal relationships. Negative experiences are bound to occur because we’re imperfect people dealing with imperfect partners, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, who can sometimes rub us the wrong way. Rarely, like in Joseph’s case, might we be dealing with divine orchestrations versus human flaws. In whatever case, we need wisdom to resolve our relationship problems.

When we put God first, and not our emotions in the heat of the hurt, we always triumph. Whatever decision we take, and whatever the outcome of our relationship issues, would be what God has instructed us to do.  

Thank you and God Bless

~AkuBai

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